Being Sneaky

Imagine a very instructive tone

Stella:  Mom. Running Shoes are for running.  Sneakers are for sneaking.

Cancer makes me want to cuss

Reasons my sisters cancer makes me want to cuss:

• Being told that she is very serious, but not having surgery openings for 3 weeks
• Not having her actual diagnosis and treatment plan until after surgery
• The thousands of possibilities said diagnosis and treatment plan could be
• The feeling that I can only be one or the other: tough as nails or a pile of mush.  I've spent the last 12 days being as tough as nails and 2 hours last night being a pile of mush.
• Wanting to come up with something funny: a cool slogan, name for her cancer, tee shirt....anything to make it be funny and get it away from being serious
• Having no control over her cancer, treatment, her schedule
• Feeling like I have no control over my schedule
• Feeling like"my life" is being interrupted by her emergency and knowing that thinking that means I'm a selfish jerk 
• All the possibilities of what could happen to my sister this year and the rest of her life

Adventures in living...

It has been quite a year already.  We've survived the flu, a 3 week family emergency (I won't elaborate online) and now for the shocker...My sister has breast cancer.  This started last week when she thought she had a breast infection from nursing.  An urgent care visit turned into an ultrasound, mammogram, biopsy, another mammogram, and a chest MRI.
This week has been emotional, stressful, tiring.  With my sisters' 4 kids under 7, including a 6 month old, my mom and I have called up to duty.  She will have a mastectomy in a few weeks and then....we won't know until after the surgery.
We've always said that my mom's colon cancer 4 1/2 years ago was one of the best things that ever happened to my family.  It drew us closer.  It strengthened her relationship with my dad, with Jesus.  It is what turned my dad's heart toward the church.  Who would wish for trials?  I've been studying James 1 with a group of Jr. High girls the last 7 months and it says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, 

whenever you face trials of many kinds 

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, 

not lacking anything. 

I do not wish for trials.  I do want to be mature and complete.  Here I am again learning to lay down my wants and surrender my time.  Oh God, may you receive glory.

Nothing like cancer to make you delight in small things.  I took the girls on a nature hike today.  The big girls drug large sticks and Charlotte waddled after them with her twig, singing in baby language at the top of her lungs.  I kept asking her if she wanted me to carry her and she would say: 
No fhank ew, Mama! 
What I wouldn't give to have a film crew follow me and record these moments.