Me and my cousins and You and your cousins

We spent the weekend in the Bay area attending my grandmother's funeral.  It was a sweet service and we were so happy to be able to see some of my extended family that we don't usually get much time with.  Jonah and I decided to stay an extra day with my cousin Robin, her husband JT and her 3 beautiful girls.  We went downtown San Francisco for lunch and treats.  It was really a ton of fun and a wild "girly" time!

 Doesn't this picture look like I have a baby bump?  The answer is NO!  Poor coat placement!  Ha!

I am so blessed to have family that I connect with.   If only we lived closer!

For the Cure

 It was an early morning.  Why is a cancer run at 7:30am?  I went with my sister and her friend to walk the 5k Race for the Cure in Eugene.  I worried it would be an emotional event, and it did have its moments.  But it was more that I was seeing the event from my sisters' perspective.  It's such a personal battle and to have strangers acknowledging you, being invited into your disease and survival, that would be very uncomfortable. 
At 9:30 was a family 1k and it was really fun having her kids walk with us.  It was good to have a "fun" part to having a mom with a serious illness.  There was ice cream and treats and all the free pink trinkets (pens, stickers, key chains etc) that a kid could ever ask for.  I always have to chuckle now when I see a pink ribbon because Stella says: "That shirt has breast cancer" or "That bag has breast cancer".

I sorry to be invited into the crappy club of "directly affected by breast cancer" and more saddened but relieved that my sister is a "Breast Cancer Survivor".

{not} Creepy Mustaches

 

As a joke, we wore mustaches to a camping trip with some friends.  We thought it would be a five minute thing, roll up sporting them, laugh and then take them off.  Foiled by the fact that our friends hadn't arrived at the camping spot yet.  The kids were troopers and ran around (even Charlotte) for a good 20 minutes with their mustaches on.  My favorite part was when the park ranger came over to introduce himself to us and I met him, holding Charlotte, both of us sporting our sweet 'stache.  He didn't even bat an eye at it, even after I introduced us as the Mustache family.

Hello Pain, Come Run with Me

It has been quite the year.  I've started several posts and have really been unable to put into words all the challenges we've been facing this year.

I've gone back to running (hello old friend) and today I was thinking while huffing and puffing that it is good to be alive.  Even if that means feeling pain, stress, sadness...I am alive.  I was thanking God that my sister is still alive.  Alive to go through cancer, but still alive. 

 We still had summer fun.  LOTS of slumber parties with the cousins.

 Camping with our Aunts and Uncles.

 Charlotte asks when Jonah is gone: Where Daddy?

Me:  At work.

Charlotte:  I wanna go fishing!!!

I am choosing to not ignore or comfort my pain away.   I'm very blessed that we get to have life in the midst of all this.

I wear Pink for My Sister

 Trying on my sisters wig.

The Latest...

1. After nearly 8 years, we no longer have a crib in our house.  I could cry.


2. A song heard lately around the house:  Baa Baa Black Sheep, have you any wool?  Yes sir, yes sir.  Three bags full.  One for my master, one for the lame.

3. Birthday week has come and gone.  I survived.  The girls thought is was wonderful and amazing.

4. The girls are official fisherwomen! They were naturals.

 5.  Jonah finished his 2nd Marathon.  The girls were proud to cheer him on.

6.   My sister still has cancer.  It still totally sucks.  We are getting through on grace. 

I'm running a marathon

It's called cancer.

I was driving to see my sister last night after her news that she has Invasive Ductal Cancer in her breast and lymph nodes.  Somehow my mind flashed to what I was doing a year ago when I had full control over my life and my schedule.  I was just 2 weeks away from running a marathon. I remember telling someone that if I could find it in me to train and run with a newborn, 2 other small kids, church, schedules etc then I didn't have the excuse anymore to say I couldn't do something.
My heart was pierced as God spoke to me that this was why my life was so "easy" last year.  I could focus on training.  I had the time to spend alone.  I was not even bothered by a hip injury during my race day.  He gave me my "marathon experience"  for this new season of my life right now. 

Dealing with her cancer is going to take time, energy, patience.  It's not like a sprint, or a short run.  It's not even like a full marathon, which is hard/fulfilling and over in a few hours.  This is an ultimate.  Months, maybe years of pushing.  No finish line in sight.  It requires focus, pacing, positive mental thinking.

Hebrews 12:1 ...Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us... vs 7 Endure hardships as discipline...vs 11 It produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Persevere,  Endure.  Be trained by it.  That is how God works good out of sucky things.  

Other funny things she says...

Stella, turning 5 on May 4th.  Here is some of her dictionary additions:

Hanatizer:  Hand Sanitizer
Paint Nolish:  Nail Polish
Oosker:  Easter

Being Sneaky

Imagine a very instructive tone

Stella:  Mom. Running Shoes are for running.  Sneakers are for sneaking.

Cancer makes me want to cuss

Reasons my sisters cancer makes me want to cuss:

• Being told that she is very serious, but not having surgery openings for 3 weeks
• Not having her actual diagnosis and treatment plan until after surgery
• The thousands of possibilities said diagnosis and treatment plan could be
• The feeling that I can only be one or the other: tough as nails or a pile of mush.  I've spent the last 12 days being as tough as nails and 2 hours last night being a pile of mush.
• Wanting to come up with something funny: a cool slogan, name for her cancer, tee shirt....anything to make it be funny and get it away from being serious
• Having no control over her cancer, treatment, her schedule
• Feeling like I have no control over my schedule
• Feeling like"my life" is being interrupted by her emergency and knowing that thinking that means I'm a selfish jerk 
• All the possibilities of what could happen to my sister this year and the rest of her life

Adventures in living...

It has been quite a year already.  We've survived the flu, a 3 week family emergency (I won't elaborate online) and now for the shocker...My sister has breast cancer.  This started last week when she thought she had a breast infection from nursing.  An urgent care visit turned into an ultrasound, mammogram, biopsy, another mammogram, and a chest MRI.
This week has been emotional, stressful, tiring.  With my sisters' 4 kids under 7, including a 6 month old, my mom and I have called up to duty.  She will have a mastectomy in a few weeks and then....we won't know until after the surgery.
We've always said that my mom's colon cancer 4 1/2 years ago was one of the best things that ever happened to my family.  It drew us closer.  It strengthened her relationship with my dad, with Jesus.  It is what turned my dad's heart toward the church.  Who would wish for trials?  I've been studying James 1 with a group of Jr. High girls the last 7 months and it says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, 

whenever you face trials of many kinds 

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, 

not lacking anything. 

I do not wish for trials.  I do want to be mature and complete.  Here I am again learning to lay down my wants and surrender my time.  Oh God, may you receive glory.

Nothing like cancer to make you delight in small things.  I took the girls on a nature hike today.  The big girls drug large sticks and Charlotte waddled after them with her twig, singing in baby language at the top of her lungs.  I kept asking her if she wanted me to carry her and she would say: 
No fhank ew, Mama! 
What I wouldn't give to have a film crew follow me and record these moments.

State Puff Marshmallow

My friend Karen gave me this snow suit for Charlotte.  I tried a variety of camera angles to try to capture just how fluffy she was with it on.  I couldn't help but think of the movie "A Christmas Story" when the kid is so bundled up that he can't put his arms down.  We are not quite to that degree here, but she did have difficulty getting back up if she fell over.  I do love the toddler stage.

 

Adrianne and Stella made pet snowballs.   

 

They named them "Snowy and Snowah".